Mischief, Lies, and Other Hazards of Parenting
by Artemesia
Summary: Loki has been a Prince of Asgard and a would-be conqueror of Midgard. Years after the movie, he's trying to navigate the most challenging role he's undertaken yet: a single parent in Manhattan. Juggling play dates, elite preschools, and defeating the Avengers in time to pick up his little girl, Loki finds parenting has endless challenges and unintended effects. Now with Epilogue!
1. Urban Warfare

Author's Note:

So, this was the prompt:

_Long prompt is long!  
Okay, so we've all seen (and probably read) a TON of pregnant!Loki fics, and the troubles he and his partner go through to have the child (which doesn't always have a happy ending) and end the story shortly after... Don't get me wrong but am I the only one like 'wtf, it ends right after the birth?:(' ._

_I want to see a story where Loki, still living on Midgard and being an evil villan, is also a kickass-single-parent. He goes to PTA meetings, chaperons for the school feild trips, let's all of [insert child's name] friends over and eat all the junkfood they want, kicking ass at a Toys-R-Us for the last Captain America shield and mask, that kind of stuff. The child isn't that old either , around 4-7 range. So when the kid is at daycare/school is the time Loki goes out and is all evil. But after getting whipped by [insert hero/heroes here] Loki goes home to his baby._

_[Bonuses]!_

_+1 the kid is an inter-racial boy/ and or/ looks absolutely nothing like Loki_  
_+10 Loki's life lessons/advice aren't the best (ei:: Loki on stealing 'sometimes you just have to take what you want and screw everyone else/ getting called in because child was in a fight at school and Loki's all 'did you win?')_  
_+100 If Loki only associates himself with Doom for his money to spoil his son_  
_+1000 The Avengers start to notice a pattern in Loki's evil doing (he only attacks at 7:00-3:30)_  
_+My Firstborn!: Loki's son absolutely adores Captain America/ wants to be just like him, so for his [insert # here] birthday Loki asks Steve to come to his birthday party_

And this, dear Gods, is the even longer reply. This story is the first part of what will be a much longer 'verse in which Loki struggles with redemption, the Avengers (some more than others) with forgiveness, and the universe with fate itself. The first part starts out _in media res_, but backstory will be coming.

**ETA: **On norsekink, the title of the fill was "the water's dark in deep, inside this ancient heart." That's now the title of the entire verse, of which this story is only the beginning. Sorry for any confusion! (9/22/12)

* * *

Standard disclaimer: Marvel/Disney/Joss owns all these lovely characters, with the exception of Kara and any other OCs. I will take care of them as if they were my own – and considering Joss, that may be a kindness.

* * *

Loki's fingers cinched around the red-haired woman's wrist. She jerked her hand away, fire flashing in her eyes, but his hand felt fast. Slender bones shifted beneath his tightening grip, but she did not yield. He ignored the eyes upon him: Stark's glowing metallic stare, the Hulk's barely lucid expression, his broth- Thor's stupid visage.

And the Man Out of Time, with his commitment to flag and country and some sort of apple dessert, blessedly ignorant of the showdown he had caused between Loki and the scarlet-haired wench.

"Since you seem incapable of understanding me, you nocky girl, you have something that belongs to me," he said, and if the threat of a shattered wrist wasn't enough to persuade her he trusted the soft malice in his voice was sufficient. "Drop it now and I will, perhaps, be merciful." He twisted his arm, smirked at the hiss of pain he finally elicited. "Perhaps."

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" The Midgardian woman shrieked in the noisome accent that was endemic to parts of the city, and flung the small box at him. "It's just a damn lunchbox!"

Loki released her wrist, raising his arm in case she decided to strike him. Or spray him with pepper or mace. He remembered last Christmas only all too well.

"Take the damn thing," she snarled, not even wiping the scowl from her face as she looked down at her dull lump of a son. "This one's just as good," she said to the child as she pushed the box with his broth- Thor's likeness on it into his hands.

"But Mom, Thor's stupid!"

Well, at least her idiot offspring had some sense.

"I don't care," the woman said, dragging the boy off, the grip on her son's hand nearly as tight as Loki's had been on her own. "God, next time you're going back to school shopping with your dad."

Loki smirked and looked down to his hard-won prize: the last Captain America lunchbox in Manhattan, it seemed. He felt a gentle tug at his jacket and looked into the round, delighted brown eyes peering out from an equally round and dark face, all but beaming up at him.

Loki frowned at the small child, but she was insistent, as all humans were, it seemed. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, but she simply pulled harder.

That frown tugged, bewilderingly, at both sides of his lips; it was almost impossible to stay angry under the spell of her happiness. Loki reached down and hefted her onto his hip, grunting a bit at her weight. He handed her the box and she wrapped her arms around it before planting a sweet if sloppy kiss on his nose.

"Are you sure it has to be a Captain America lunchbox?" Loki had to at least try and sway her, no matter how hard the battle was been won. "Iron Man is slightly less irksome. And here are some with sparkly horses."

"Cap'n America is better. Thank you, Daddy!" Kara curled against his shoulder, and Loki allowed himself a smile as his fingers tangled in his daughter's soft brown ringlets.


	2. The Perils of Playdates

In which Loki uses his evil affiliates for educational aims and Kara misuses a Frisbee egregiously. And if any of you tumble, I'm artyartemisia there - and my so-far sparse tumblr will hopefully be home to plot wafflings/wailings, truly random ideas about Loki and a certain houndstooth scarf, and random gifs. I'd love to find awesome people to follow. :) There's a link on my profile - it's not wanting to link here.

Again, standard disclaimers apply. I own nothing but my growing army of OCs.

* * *

"Daddy, c'mon!" Kara almost dragged Loki face-first into the grass. The Avengers couldn't bring him to his knees, but a three-year-old could?

A very determined three-year-old was too formidable a force after the morning's battle, apparently. Loki let go of her hand, and the blue-sundress clad-blur raced towards the playground. Loki's smile slipped into a half-grimace as his knee twinged, threatening to go out under him. The good Captain (and of course it was him) had slammed his shield into his knee a few days ago, and he had to keep from wobbling before he could sink into a park bench with a well-earned grunt.

"You're too young to move like an old man." Loki only smirked at the human woman's daring cheek. Connie, whose dark brown tresses the humidity turned to a thicket of frizz, moved over with purposeful slowness. Or maybe it was this damnable heat that hung over the city like a hot, steaming blanket that dragged her movements. George and Stephen, who Connie had ungraciously pushed aside, already had their jackets off, ties loose, sleeves rolled up.

"Let me guess," George said, one armed casually draped around Stephen's shoulder. "The stairs won again?"

"They're a formidable ally." Loki grunted and tugged his finger under his collar. "I respect them. I just can't seem to avoid tripping down the last ones. And no, I am still not hiding a salacious sex life." Or a sex life at all for that matter.

"Liar. We all know you're kissing someone's boots. You'd look good in leather." Stephen raised a hopeful eyebrow.

"Oh, I won't deny the latter." Loki smiled, reveling in the humans' laughter and jostled elbows at his admission.

Odd how these mortals could amuse him on occasion. These three were some of the few tolerable Midgardians, and Kara seemed to have an affinity for their children. Even if her feelings were shown in the tendency to pinch and kick them on occasion. Which on Earth, evidently, was frowned upon.

Typical sentiment. Though Loki wished she had more of an instinct for more subtle forms of attack.

"I would kiss someone's boot right now for something to drink. Can I barter with someone for some juice boxes?" Loki ran a hand through his hair, already damp with sweat. Kara seemed oblivious to the heat as she leapt around the playground with a blue Frisbee, fighting for truth, justice, and control of the swings, but she'd need a drink at some point. He fumbled in his bag for suitable trade. His fingers curled around one of Kara's many action figures, a big beaded necklace, and an EMP disruptor he planned on surprising Stark with next time they met.

Always prepared.

There. He pulled out an apple, brandishing it in his palm. Not one of Idunn's but if it could get his parched throat some relief, maybe it was even more valuable.

"Jeez, we're not going to let you or your kid faint because you were too stupid to bring water. Put the apple away." Connie fished in her bag, then pushed a lukewarm box into his hands. "Oscar! Come get some juice for you and Kara!"

Oscar managed his way to the bench, his shirt stained with the remnants of other juice boxes, snot, and dirt. He held one arm and looked petulantly at his mother.

"Kara hit me with her shield. She said I was the bad guy but I'm not. I don't wanna be Doctor Doom again." He sniffed and rubbed at his dripping nose before he took the juice boxes.

Loki made a note to thoroughly disinfect Kara when they got home.

"If you're the bad guy, hit her back." Connie snorted as her son, inspired by this thought, headed back to the playground, gave Kara her drink, then kicked her promptly in the shin.

If Loki did ever resume his plans of world domination, Connie would have an honored place within his forces.

"Well played." Loki leaned back, sipping at the apple-grape concoction, watching as Kara and her 'shield' pushed Oscar into the dirt. "And if my knee doesn't give out before we get home, she'll be pummeling me. No Tag, no Hide and Seek, no Angry Birds, even. All she wants to play is Avengers."

"I would kill if Alice wanted to play Avengers." George watched his little girl, sitting on the grass, obliviously picking clover as Kara and Oscar battled to the death. "Hell, I would even be Black Widow-"

"Nnnnn. You could be Tony Stark," Stephen pressed a light kiss to his cheek. "Besides, the vegan police would take away your powers for that much leather."

"You and the older men, I swear. Hell, I'd be the Hulk if it meant we could stop watching Barney. I'm going to defenestrate the television if I hear that song one more time."

"Defenestration is a shockingly stress-relieving activity," Loki said with a satisfied grin. It really had been too long since he'd flung one of the costumed idiots out a window. His standards were slipping. "But I would do the same - how in the world did she get...exposed? I thought children's television was safe from purple dinosaurs these days."

"My sister. Got her a Barneypalooza for Christmas," George said. "DVDs, CDs, little stuffed Barneys, everything. But she just found out she's expecting, so I'm already planning my retaliatory strike." He grinned and rubbed his hands together. "Teletubbies."

"Ohhhhh. Heartless," Loki said, even as a pang of unwelcome and unwanted guilt arose at the mention of siblings. It wasn't often, if ever, that he thought of Thor with anything but contempt, but when Kara asked if she had any aunties and uncles, Loki wished the lie of 'no' hadn't felt so heavy on his lips. "That's wonderful news. I'm sure we'll see more pictures than we wish to see when she's born."

"Well-" Stephen sighed, and George rubbed at his nose.

"We didn't know when we were going to tell you guys, but we're wait pooled at Fieldston Lower." Stephen looked embarrassed - Connie looked stunned and a little hurt.

"You're changing schools? But I thought you were happy here? True, Alice did eat half a glue stick but it doesn't seem to have done permanent harm." Loki didn't want to admit the thought of their small circle breaking apart vexed him more than it should.

"We are happy but...it's Fieldston," Stephen said. "She gets in there for pre-K and she's set for the Ivies. It's the best school in New York. Maybe the East Coast. To be honest, I'm surprised you haven't looked at somewhere like that for Kara. She's smart. Scary smart sometimes." His supposed genius daughter chose that moment to fling her shield at Oscar's head. "And a little ultraviolent sometimes. But all our kids could be there." His gaze lingered, almost apologetically, on Connie.

"Sure Steve, like I have 31 thousand dollars under my sofa," she shot back. "I know why you didn't tell me."

"They have scholarships-"

"Just drop it, okay?" Connie pushed herself off the bench, calling for Oscar. "It'd never work out, so what's the use of thinking about it." She hoisted the now-sweaty boy onto her hip. "Good luck sucking up to the 1%."

"That is not how I wanted that conversation to go," George muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "We applied on a lark. We were expecting a 'thank you, but no,' letter, not the wait pool. It probably won't even happen."

"Why not? You two certainly have the money," Loki reasoned. They were both lawyers, rather good ones, from what they claimed.

"It's not money. Well, it's money and a lot of things money helps you get. You have to know the right people, be in the right circles. Or blackmail the director or push her out of the way of a speeding cab..."

Later that night, a bag of peas on his aching knee and a glass of wine in his hand, Loki mulled over Stephen's words. He had looked through Fieldston's web site and within minutes was determined to get Kara in. To get all of them in if he could.

A plan was stewing in his brain, but it needed assistance. Assistance who required the subtlest manipulation before it would act to unconsciously aid him.

He pulled out his phone. Just after 5 a.m. in Latveria. He hoped Doom was a morning person.

'I don't imagine you've heard about the Met's newest acquisition. I don't believe they know what's on their hands. Sumerian. The inscriptions look…interesting.'

A minute later, Doom's reply flashed on the screen.

'Of course DOOM has heard. It was deemed beneath DOOM'S notice.'

Considering it was likely a Babylonian shopping list, Doom had a point. But it didn't mean his curiosity – and jealousy – couldn't be piqued.

'Then you won't mind if I have a look myself tomorrow night. If it is something, no doubt S.H.I.E.L.D will snatch it up. I think this could be most educational.'

Loki toasted to his own triumph even before Doom's non-committal reply came back; the Doombot was as good as reserved.

* * *

There was something so elegant to wreaking chaos in a museum. Something artistic about unleashing senseless violence against cold marble as paintings and sculptures stood watch in silent admiration.

And since he wasn't the one, technically, unleashing the violence, he could admire it all the more.

Tuxedo and evening-gown clad guests scattered, screaming. Acting as if he was cowering in a corner, it was easy enough to wait for the man he needed.

And there he was. And the Doombot following behind, drawn by the faintest hint of magic lingering on the man's coattails.

"Look out!" Loki leapt at the man, knocking him to the ground as a blast clipped Loki's shoulder. He gritted his teeth and rolled onto his back. "Are you all right?"

"What is that thing?" The man was terrified, hands curled around his head. Fear of death was good. The man actually dying? Somewhat detrimental to Loki's plans.

"It looks like those things on the news," Loki said, annoyed the pain in his voice wasn't exactly feigned. "Maybe we can outrun it-"

The Doombot blasted again, hitting the sliver of ground between the two men, flashing white in Loki's vision.

"We're dead. Oh my God, we're dead," the man squeaked.

"Not quite yet." Loki grunted and reached for the walking stick at his side, which hid a rather neat and likely illegal blade within the handle. It wasn't the scepter, but it would do. "But if we do die, you can tell me 'I told you so' all you like." With a manic grin, he plunged the blade into the Doombot's brain as it advanced to deliver the killing blow. Electricity surged and fired along his fingers, his arms. As the robot jerked and crashed in a smoking heap, Loki felt his limbs jerk painfully before he fell in a tangle of limbs to the ground.

The man crouched next to him, pulling out his phone. "Are you all right? I can't believe what you did - that was amazing!" His voice was high-pitched and breathless.

Perfect.

"That was stupid," Loki said, grimacing. "We're both lucky it worked." He frowned and tilted his head. Or at least he hoped he was tilting his head. "Have we met before? You look familiar."

"So do you," the man replied, and he made the connection a moment later. "You came in for an interview at Fieldston Lower! Now I remember you."

"Principal Burns," Loki said, as with dawning enlightenment. "I knew we'd met." He laughed, before his entire body reminded him it was still in agony. "I don't suppose you know if we made the wait pool."

"Wait pool be damned. You're in," Burns said, waving one hand as he extended the other to help Loki up. "Full scholarship, even. You saved my life."

"I couldn't possibly take your money, or the school's," Loki said, touched yet demure. "But if there is a scholarship open..."

* * *

Alice was trying to hug Oscar and Kara and bring them into some sort of sing-song about friendship and harmony. Captain America and Spiderman (Kara finally agreed he could be a good guy) were less than enthusiastic.

"I'm happy for you two, getting in and all, but you're breaking up the band here," Connie said, glaring at George and Stephen, and then to Loki. "And I knew you interviewed, so don't even try to hide it." She crossed her arms across her chest. "Oscar and I will just stay at the community school, making sure there aren't needles in the sandbox."

"It was only the one needle," Loki said, reaching into the pocket of his jacket. "But I just spoke with Principal Burns the other day. Kara's in as well."

Stephen and George tried very hard, Loki could tell, not to high-five. Or first-bump. Connie started to leave, but before she could stand, Loki slid an envelope into her hand.

"We also talked about how hard it is to choose scholarship applicants. So I made my case for an exceptional young man." Connie's hands shook as she opened the letter. "I can be especially persuasive when I wish to be."

"This is...I don't..." Connie, for once, was speechless, as was the rest of their foursome. Stephen wasn't even blinking.

Loki rolled his eyes. Humans and their sentiment. "Oh, it was entirely selfish. Making a new social circle is so tiring. It's much easier to just bring you along." He paused, a conspiring grin pulling at his lips. A woman with a double stroller and a latte had settled on the other side of the playground, her miscreant offspring aping Alice's singing with vicious cruelty.

"Besides, these schools are battlegrounds. It is far better to have allies."

Oscar pushed the boy down and Kara pinned him to the ground. Alice leaned over, clasped her hands behind her back, and screamed "I love you, you love me" into the boy's ear.

Yes, comrades in arms were valuable things.


	3. Good Help Is Hard to Find

Author's note: Thank you all so much for your reviews, follows, and favorites! It's so very encouraging. :) And a special hi to anyone following from norsekink or from rexluscus's rec, and sorry for the name change from the original fill. I'm amending the AN in the first chapter to make the change a little clearer!

As usual, I own nothing besides a slew of fictional New Yorkers.

* * *

In which cookies teach duplicity, Doom is the worst (power) drunk dialer ever, and Loki turns out to be the parent for whom you totally loved to babysit.

* * *

"I thought please and thank you were the magic words."

Loki sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. What had happened to seidr on this planet in the past thousand years?

"Who says they are?"

"Miss Reynolds. And the Imagination Movers!" Kara looked at him from across the table, her chin cupped in her small hands. She frowned, not able to understand how her father and teacher (and musical idols) could disagree.

"They are what you say when you want to be polite, but that doesn't have anything to do with magic. And magic is all about getting what you want." He leaned forward and snatched away one of the cookies from her plate.

"That's my cookie!" She frowned and crossed her arms, brown eyes wide and accusing.

"It was." Loki smiled and lifted it to his lips. "Should I have said please?"

"Yes! Yes you should say please."

"Would you have given it to me if I did?"

He could see the wheels turning. They were exceptionally good cookies. "Maybe," Kara finally admitted. "Maybe not."

"So what are you going to do?" He waved it back and forth.

"Ask you for my cookie back." She frowned, scrunching her forehead. "Please."

"And what if I don't give it back?"

Her little lips pursed in thought, and it was taking every bit of willpower not to crack into a grin. Or to eat the cookie just inches from his lips. And then her eyes went wide in disgust and terror.

"There's a bug! Kill it!" Kara shrieked and pointed at the wall behind him. She was terrified of cockroaches, which snuck in every few months, despite every spell he tried. He set down the cookie and went to go get the spray-

-and as soon as he turned his head, Kara leaned forward and grabbed her cookie back.

Loki beamed at her blooming duplicity. Kara bit into the recaptured treat, her lips smudged with chocolate. "Thank you!" She giggled at her own cleverness, as she should.

"Well. Maybe it is a magic word." Loki reached for his own cookie when his phone rang with an all-too-familiar ringtone.

Doom. Did that man have any sort of life? Loki ignored the call, hoping Doom would get the point.

Two calls and four text messages later, Doom seemed like an extremely slow learner.

"Daddy? Can we watch Phineas 'n Ferb? Please?" Kara rubbed at her chocolate-smudged hands with a crumpled napkin.

"Go wash your hands first. And I suppose we can watch one episode before bed." He smiled as she clambered down from her chair and raced off to the bathroom. "Maybe Dr. Doofenschmirtz will finally win today."

Loki admitted he had a fondness for the poor younger brother who never seemed to get the upper hand against his conceited sibling, or his intrepid monotreme foe.

"No way!" Kara's shout echoed down the hallway. "Don't start yet! Gotta go pee!"

"I'll wait." Loki started gathering up the dishes – by the Norns he wished Kara knew about his magic, his actual magic, if only so he could vaporize the damn dishes – when the phone rang again. Loki swore and cast a quick spell – Kara wouldn't hear the conversation, and Doom wouldn't hear her. Only one of enchanted safeguards on his phone to keep 'villain' and 'father' modes separate.

"Doom. How pleasant to hear from you," he purred.

"DOOM is not moved by your pleasure. He only requires your assistance. Tonight."

Loki groaned. "Tonight? I would love to, Victor, but I am rather busy-"

"Whatever project distracts you is inferior. I have learned of a powerful magical artifact in a private collection. DOOM's information, unlike yours as of late, is correct."

"Well. You must feel so very proud at your superiority." Loki dumped the dishes in the sink a little louder than he should. "So I'm sure you can handle it yourself quite capably."

"The spell guarding it requires two casters to break. And DOOM would provide compensation at your usual rate." There was a brief pause. "If the spell is difficult, twice so."

It **was **nearly bedtime. And the first of the staggering tuition payment was due in a matter of weeks.

"Triple if we're interrupted by our resident do-gooders. Text me the address, and give me half-an-hour," he said, his brain racing through potential sitters from the resident teenaged girls in the building. 30 minutes would be time enough to beg one of them with a ridiculous hourly rate, and free-range in his rather well-stocked pantry.

* * *

Never again. Never again. Not only did the artifact Doom planned to steal have defenses that blew him through the wall and into the next house over, second caster be damned, but the Avengers had come, just as he predicted.

Loki and Thor had another of their clashes over Manhattan, though it didn't exactly go as Loki planned. Loki was so drained by his earlier backfired spell that Thor managed to nail him with Mjolnir, sending him through a floor of the Chrysler Building. He'd had just enough in him to send the overcharged idiot after a clone before he disappeared in a flash of green light.

Loki materialized outside his door, battered and bloody armor shifting to equally torn jeans and t-shirt. At least the blood didn't show against the denim. He managed as much of a glamour as he could, but hiding anything more than the deepest cuts and darkest bruises meant he would be sleeping in the hall, not in his bed.

Kara and Sarah, a teenage girl who lived two floors down and who was not completely incompetent with children, were curled up on the couch, the television flickering behind them. The two girls both jumped as Loki shut the door behind him.

"Thunder was loud," Kara said, and as a bolt flashed outside, she whimpered and covered her ears, waiting for the clap to come. Her little Captain America plush doll was keeping vigil besides her, looking rather well-clutched.

Forgetting everything that was bruised or broken, Loki hobbled to the couch a second before the thunder cracked, rattling the windows. Far enough away not to worry that Doom and Thor could come careening into his balcony tonight, but loud enough to frighten his little girl.

Anything that remotely sounded like an explosion terrified Kara. Even with his hand, gentle upon her back, Kara was still trying to bury herself into the couch.

He fished his wallet out and handed Sarah a hundred dollar bill. She opened her mouth, as if to protest, then pocketed the bill. "Thanks Mr. Gwith - Gwid - Mr. Luke," she managed, tripping over his assumed family name, Gwidion, which he had borrowed from a Welsh deity who no longer needed it. She frowned as she saw the cuts and bruises he couldn't hide. "Man, you look like crap. Did you get mugged or something? You should really take Krav Maga with my mom. She can kick anyone's ass."

Probably not a tetchy Thor and his viscous backswing. "Tell her I'm sorry I was late. Long story, though I'd rather not have her well-trained foot anywhere near my posterior. Thanks again for coming on such little notice."

"No problem. Kara, thanks for letting me hang out with you," Sarah said. "Next time you're going down in Candy Land." She waved, a shy little smile, and Loki wasn't quite sure if it was for Kara or for him. Midgardians were more complicated than he thought, and Midgardian women most inscruitable of all. He doubted he would be any wiser when Kara was older.

Kara cast a baleful look outside, at the lightening and thunder with no rain. "Is Thor being extra stupid and clumsy tonight?"

Loki laughed as he eased himself ever so carefully into his rather comfortable couch. Kara curled up at his side, looking at him and not the brilliant white flashes that lit up the skyline beyond. The Thor Kara knew began as a story, something to make her smile and laugh at the sights and sounds that used to leave her crying and shaking.

Once upon a time there was a God, Loki had told her, who had a very big hammer and thought he was very important because he made lightning and thunder. What Thor didn't know, he whispered, with a knowing smile, is that he made the storms when he fell down, tripped, ran into walls. And Thor was very clumsy, and that was why there was so much lightning and thunder.

Kara slowly began to cry less, to not tremble nearly so much when the lightning came down. He had given her a defense against the clumsy thunder god of his stories, and in that laughter a way to make her fears less.

"Yes, Thor is falling over everything tonight." A bright flash of lightening struck incredibly close, and Kara closed her eyes, waiting for the crack that seemed to tear through the air. Loki just chuckled as he held her closer.

"Oh, that was very loud. He must have done something very clumsy." Loki smiled and leaned over. "I think he tripped and hit Captain America's shield with Mjolnir."

Kara opened her eyes wide, looking shocked and not a little angry. "I hope Captain hits him back!" She reached for her little plush doll, and shook it at the window.

"Oh, me too. Me too." Loki closed his eyes and smiled, imagining it in his mind. Or the Hulk, flinging Thor about. They were lovely thoughts. "So what do we yell at the thunder?"

Kara balled up her other hand into her fist and raised it to the sky as it flashed blue-white. The thunder cracked and rolled, but she didn't flinch or even whimper.

"Shut up, Thor!" They raised their voices together against the light and the fear and the noise until their shouts gave way to laughter and wheezing giggles.

The thunder never stood a chance.


	4. Extracurricular Activities

**Author's Note: **As usual, thank you all so so much for the reviews/favorites and follows. They make my day, seriously. :) No Kara in this chapter, but there's some Avengers instead. And for those of you waiting to figure out just how Loki became a parent, we're one chapter away.

As usual, I own nothing and no-one besides the acerbic Latina woman on the other end of the phone.

* * *

Loki needed to start writing these infernal lists down.

Kara's cereal: the sickly sweet puffs of sugar with marshmallow charms, solely to add more sugar. The lightbulbs his landlord refused to replace. First-flush Darjeeling from the little store he discovered after the Hulk smashed him into it.

He groaned and tried to recall the goods that slipped his mind. Milk and eggs? In the fridge in abundance. Laundry detergent? Just purchased last week. It was something unusual, but important.

A white blast hit him mid-reverie, and a flash of colors swam into his vision as he flew backwards upon the roof, catching himself just before he flew over the side.

"Oil pastels!" He grinned and sent a green vortex of energy back at Stark. That was it. For what Fieldston charged, making parents pick up their own art supplies was grinding their rather expensive boots even harder upon their necks.

Loki mulled over pulling out his phone and seeing if there was an art store in easy range he – or better yet, one of the Avengers – could literally crash. No sense in not multitasking while Kara was at drama.

Perhaps that was the only reason he heard it ring. Making sure Stark or none of his misfit band were close, Loki plucked the phone from his armor and pulled his helm aside.

For not the last time, he wondered if he could somehow make a Bluetooth headset compatible with the helm's magic.

'Connie Martinez.' Loki swore under his breath and thumbed the phone on, casting a few doppelgangers on nearby rooftops for good measure.

"Connie, unless Kara has grown a second head or a third arm, this is **really **a bad time." He flinched as one projection took a direct hit; he summoned up a handful more. Though with his concentration rattled by Connie's call, the clones were likely just ambling about rather than looking the least bit menacing.

"You forgot to pick up our kids." Loki could hear the unspoken but implied 'dumbass.' He rolled his eyes and tried to concentrate on his dopplegangers. "The school just called, wondering why they're still there."

Loki glanced to his phone and saw the accusing evidence of a missed call. But still, it was hardly his fault.

"I didn't pick them up because it's not my day," he said as evenly as possible, ducking as a rain of debris crashed upon his head. His own unspoken insult hung heavy in the air. "It's the second Thursday of the month. You take them to drama, I pick them up. Do I really need to go over this?"

"And last week we traded. I'm taking them next week. Jesus, you're going to make a fantastic ex-husband one day," Connie fired back.

Loki liked to think he had made admirable inroads into local Midgardian culture, and the litany of profanity he muttered under his breath certainly included some oaths never heard in Asgard.

"I completely forgot. I don't suppose there's any way-" Loki growled as the hail became a positive torrent, the debris ricocheting off the feeble air-conditioning standing between him and whichever Avenger had gotten the drop on him.

"I'm in North Carolina! Do you ever listen? Luke, did the city get invaded again? What the hell is going on?!"

As Connie slid into a rapid-fire Spanish, Loki chuckled as he stood up, his gaze falling upon Stark in his impressive suit of armor. A sphere of green, pulsing energy began to glow in his hand.

"I listen only when it's interesting, no, we're invasion-free thus far, and I'm simply at work." He pulled the sphere back even as he dodged a bolt of white-hot plasma that blew up the air-conditioning unit in an impressive shower of sparks.

"Whatever company you work for, it's officially insane. Anyway, can you pick up the kids or not?"

"Oh, I agree completely. Corporate warfare," he crooned as he twirled the bubble of magic, itching to be free and wreak havoc, in his fingers. "I'll be there in five minutes."

Barton landed on the roof, an arrow already drawn, and Loki's smile only grew wider.

He hurled the sphere at Stark, another already sparking to life in his palm.

"Maybe ten."

* * *

The Avengers sat around their usual table, nursing plates of Middle Eastern food and various minor injuries. Tony set down his shwarama and looked point blank at Thor.

"Dude, I think your brother's cheating on us. Is he sweet on some other superhero group?"

Thor's look of indignation was completely worth it. "My brother is not sweet on anyone."

"Oh, we know that, but he totally blew us off today. And I swear I saw him on a phone. A phone. I'm all for you crazy Asgardians getting tech saavy, but who the hell is he calling?"

"I saw it too. Him and Doom, whispering sweet nothings," Clint muttered. "But his clones seemed a little half-assed today. And not just today." Clint looked more broody than usual, if that was even possible.

"Like I said. He's found a new team of heroes to annoy and he's dumping us." Tony took a swig of mint tea. "He's the horny slut of the supervillain world."

Tony was not ready for Thor's outburst, or for Mjolnir to arc just over his head. "You will take back that slight on my brother's virtue!"

"He didn't mean anything. Did you Tony?" Bruce's voice was soft as Thor's was booming, but man, it was a steel glove wrapped in velvet. A hand that would punch him through the wall if Tony didn't say yes. Tony nodded and mumbled an apology.

Bruce took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair. "Thor, this brother complex...Tony doesn't exactly think before he opens his mouth. But you kick the crap out of Loki every week."

"If I do violence, it is out of love!"

Bruce's mouth went slightly slack and he made the tiniest shake of his head. "I'm just going back to my falafel," he muttered, but the other Avengers had straightened up a bit. Tony groaned inwardly. Religion, politics, and Thor's brother made for the worst dinner topics, even if he only had himself to blame.

"Clint's right. It's been at least since he came back the second time," Natasha mused. "Maybe being the Chitauri's whipping boy instead of their master put him off his game."

"Oh, he still has game, he just doesn't play as long." Tony shrugged. "I like having my nights free but seriously, 3:00-3:30, this guy's done. Like villains are punching a clock nowadays."

"You've been thinking too much about this," Steve said, finally speaking up.

"I think too much about everything," Tony replied. "Especially when some bastard insists on attacking my building at 7:00 in the morning, every week. 7:00. I could be sleeping!"

"Some of us have a work ethic and are already up by then." Steve shook his head, and Tony scowled at the goody-goody two shoes.

"Fine. Then you're on early-morning Loki duty. Wake me when you've finished kicking his ass. But seriously, this is a different guy from the Mr. Cuckoo for cocoa puffs we got the first time. He has…a schedule. Since when does chaos have a schedule?" It had been bugging Tony for a while now, but today just seemed to confirm it.

Ever since the Chitauri had torn up New York a second time, looking for an escaped Loki, the man/god/whatever hadn't seemed the same. Of course, Loki had been less than thrilled to see his former allies on the return visit. More like pissed off and terrified. They'd held off another invasion (nuke-free this time), but Loki had vanished for a year and a half once they'd kicked the last Chitauri off their world. And then a few months ago he showed up, smirk and stupid helmet and all, but it wasn't quite the same.

"Maybe he has a job to help pay the rent." Clink rolled his eyes and pushed himself out his chair, pacing around the already claustrophobic space. That man could not stay on the ground for more than two minutes.

"Oh, sure. Loki's slumming it at one of the million Starbucks in the city." Tony shook his head, smirking at the image of a surly God of Mischief in a green apron, listening to someone bitch about the temperature of their caramel macchiato. "Villainy loves company and really shitty coffee."


	5. Paternal Instincts

Thank you all so much for every review, favorite, and follow. I'm so grateful for all of you just reading this crazy thing!

Okay, kids. We get some cuteness and fluff and party planning, and then it all quickly goes to hell as we finally get the reveal on Kara's origins. So many damn feels in this chapter. Warnings for violence and injury/potential injury to a child.

* * *

"You could always have a dinosaur birthday party. Wouldn't your new little friend-"

"George." Kara patted her little stuffed plesiosaur as she stomped through the brilliant leaves beneath her feet. Fall had finally set the city aflame, and Central Park all but glowed beneath a brilliant blue sky. The air was cool, crisp, the breeze catching the edge of Kara's wispy purple scarf. "He says his name is George."

"Then would George like a dinosaur party?" Birthdays, evidently, were causes for lavish celebrations on Midgard, and Kara, of course, wanted a Captain America themed gathering. Loki knew his powers of persuasion were utterly lost on his offspring, but it was worth a try. She was damn near giddy with the giant creatures after a day bouncing through the museum of Natural History.

Kara frowned and held the toy to her ear. "George says no. He lives by himself and he's very shy." She hugged the plush, pale blue dinosaur. "He would really like a Captain America party."

Loki grinned, tilting his head, and held one hand out. "Are you sure you heard him right? Maybe I should ask him."

Kara wasn't buying it. She shook her head and kept hold of George. "You don't speak dinosaur. But he'll be very good."

"If he promises." Loki could nearly weep at a sudden chill in the air, the first hint of winter ghosting along his skin. "It's getting a little chilly, Miss Dinosaur Whisperer, and I'm a little hungry. I was thinking we could go to Alice'sand get tea, but you wouldn't want to do that, would you?"

Kara bounced up and down, skirts twirling about. "I want to go!"

Loki looked pensive, if not suspicious. "What about your new friend? Do dinosaurs like tea?"

"Dinosaurs love tea," Kara said, stomping a boot down, almost defiantly. Loki shook his head and rolled his eyes, as if yielding to some horrible fate, and not scones and jam and clotted cream.

It might have been the smallest of lies and the easiest of mischiefs, but damned if he didn't enjoy it.

"Alright, alright, Alice's it is. I think there's a subway stop around-"

Before he could finish the word, or even the thought, a roar above forced his head up. One grey shape, no two, impossibly fast, and he wondered if he should call Doom and tell him to knock it the hell off.

And then the shapes started firing, raining deadly blue light and red-orange explosions onto the world below. The crows around them, he imagined, had to be screaming amid the din of chaos and terror, the air crackling with buildings and cars bursting into balls of flame, but the world had gone silent save for one sound: Kara's ear-piercing, gasping scream.

Loki grabbed her, trying not to think of how much she was trembling. The words to the teleportation spell were on his lips, but he stuttered and stammered as his throat closed with stomach-curdling fear. He hadn't teleported with her in years, but his options were shrinking to desperation or something he couldn't bear to fathom.

A syllable was all he managed before white flooded his vision and heat seared his skin. They flew up and backwards through the air, falling, falling, not against grass or dirt or asphalt but into a dank-smelling darkness. Loki twisted, putting himself between Kara and what would eventually be ground, flinging his hand upward, a pale green shield flickering to life.

He hit the ground, head cracking against a sharp corner of concrete. A seeming mountain of rubble crashed against his spell, and he prayed to whatever in the universe would listen to that the sliver of magic would hold. In the encroaching darkness, he heard a swell of moans and whimpering cries, felt Kara's tears, hot against his cold cheek, and then he saw nothing.

* * *

_The snow fell, thick and fast, a sea of white in every direction. This had been a sacred place, once, but it had been devastated by war, by neglect and ruin. Whatever god had once listened to prayers no longer seemed to listen._

_He had come as a conqueror, and he had left chaos and hopelessness in his wake. The golden halls would ring with toasts and songs, but even the thought of them felt hollow. Blood dripped from the wreck of his eye onto the pale snow, onto the gleam of blue-ish white. So little, compared to how much that had been shed today._

_He turned to leave, shoulders heavy. And then he heard the child cry._

* * *

There was a flash of white, but he could scarcely open his eyes. They were crusted thick with blood, and he would never complain about the helmet again. He felt the rise and fall of Kara's breathing, the beat of her heart against his chest.

'Stay with us - we're trying to get the debris off. We don't know what's keeping it up. Just stay awake-' The voice was insistent, and perhaps he should do its bidding, but he was so very tired.

Loki felt his magic pulse, felt the spell holding steady, and the faintest of smiles graced his lips before his world slipped to black yet again.

* * *

_He had come as a conqueror to this world, once. He meant to rule it, to give it order, to do what his brother could or would not. He had returned little more than a cowering child, but at least if the remnants of his former army were to find him, this world and its protectors would perish along with him._

_The snow swirled about, and he staggered out of the drifts where he'd fallen. Blood ran freely from his temple, his helm knocked free in the fall. Blood fell and spattered the white ground beneath, red swirling about in his dizzying vision. The battle still raged overhead, but the world's defenders seemed to have gained the upper hand. He would not die, then, but his survival gave him no joy, only a sickening panic._

_He turned to leave, a hollow, high-pitched laugh making his lungs shake. And then he heard the child cry._

* * *

His magic flickered, and he heard the men's voices rise in an admirably controlled panic. It must be habit for New Yorkers, between him, Doom, whoever these intruders were and their own kind, to rise to the occasion.

The irony was not lost on Loki as he laughed, pain lacing across his ribs. Human insistence on survival, for themselves and for others, might be the only thing that could save his human daughter if his spell was not enough.

* * *

_Such a small thing, especially for the frost giants. The markings are unmistakable, even if in miniature, and only a king's son would be left in such a holy place. His hands reach down to take the infant, and it's so easy - a brush of his finger, a murmured world - for the blue skin to fade to ivory, the red eyes to a bright green. The hair remains the same, a thatch of ebony, and he smiles. The child should have something of his nature, at least._

_It would be wisest to leave it, and kinder, perhaps. This child could do so much, but he almost fears what fate his wife will see in the small one's future. He will change it, of course, make it his own design. The child will not be the last victim of war, but the first token of a peace that must come, even if it is not now._

* * *

There were more voices now, coming from below and around him, not merely. The humans' trapped with him were pained and wounded but they were defiant and angry, the darkness that surrounded them seeping into their humor.

"My watch and a pack of gum it was Dr. Doom."

"Copy of 50 Shades of Grey it was the idiot with the helmet."

"Oh that narrows it down."

'A lump of rock that it's a S.H.I.E.L.D. Experiment run amok,' Loki croaked, and they laughed with him, snickering. It was flattering, it was discomforting, but before he could think on it more, Kara blinked awake.

* * *

_A bubble of choking laughter erupts from his throat, the sound harsh against the rubble, the fallen walls. The child, mahogany dark against the pale snow, is lying next to what he assumed was its mother. The woman's eyes are open, cloudy, hands outstretched. Little good it did her. He assumes it's a girl, clad in a torn dress adorned with threadbare bows and smeared with soot and blood. Once white socks and shoes are soaked in crimson, and every time her legs flail, her screams only grow more shrill._

_He should just leave her. Enough have died by his actions, this time and before, and what should he care for their lives. They are brutish and short, and they should be glad they exist at all. He turns to leave but she will not stop, the screaming making the throbbing in his head worse. He picks her up. He should just strike her against a wall and be done with it but the wailing suddenly stops. He holds her spitefully, warily, her broken limbs hanging limp above the icy ground. Only then does Loki realize he is standing in the snow of a ruined world with an abandoned child in his arms._

_He curses the Allfather, his screams swallowed by the storm that swirls around them, but the girl barely whimpers. Loki looks down at her, his arms shaking, and it should be so easy a thing to fling her down upon the ground, to give her to a passerby, but he cannot._

_He curses fate, her curses her, and he curses himself, weakened with pain and rage and the universe's echoes as they vanish in a single wisp of green light._

* * *

The perilous ceiling of rocks and debris parted, revealing the dusty faces of the search and rescue workers. The nearly blinding flash from a spotlight beyond cut through the cavernous darkness of what was nothing more than a subway entrance. Loki leaned his head back, and the shield faded in a glimmer of green light.

He doubted it would have lasted ten more minutes.

One worker saw the remnant of the shield and blanched. "He's one of...them."

Loki would have laughed if he had the energy. To survive this far, and be caught out by his own good deed.

"It's not them, dumbass, it's mutant, and my sister's one, so shut the hell up." Loki released the breath he did not know he was holding. Kara's eyebrows rose into her hair as she looked at Loki as if he were something new and wonderful.

Perhaps having a dad with slightly less hidden powers would dampen the Captain America enthusiasm.

* * *

_No one has come for the child. He returned to her mother's still and frozen form, if only to know her name, but all must assume the girl is dead. A work acquaintance identifies the body, and she doesn't even seem to know about the girl. The father has yet to come, and Loki is struck by how some things never change across the realms._

_He has healed the broken legs, the countless other scratches, bruises, and sprains, but the other hurts he cannot touch. She screams for her mother, and at night she shakes and trembles at monsters only she can see. But he knows what they are. He knows who brought them here._

_She is an ant. She is nothing. You do not pity an ant. You do not feel guilt when it is crushed, or the ones around it die._

_But he does. He tries to ignore his gnawing, enraging guilt by ignoring her, the first few nights. After a week without sleep, however, he would do anything for a few moments of quiet. The clock blinks 2:39 a.m. No spell can keep out the sound of her screaming, and he pulls her, harder than he should, from her makeshift bed._

_"I am not your mother, I am not your father." She should be drawing back in even more terror at his slightly unhinged shouts, but she instead blinks sleepily, brown eyes fixed upon his own. Her cries fade to nothing more than sniffles._

_"Why do you stop? I am ruin and death! Fear me! Fear me!" She ignores his command, and its increasingly pathetic repetitions. He is the one with tears stinging at his eyes, and she simply waits and watches._

_Trembling, he places her back onto the small bed and, before she can begin screaming, drops down exhausted besides her. "Tonight. Only tonight," is all he manages to say, but she is already asleep. The darkness takes longer to claim him, but even rage and doubt give way._

_The next night, and the next, however, he drops into bed besides her, and finally he gives up the pretense of her room. They are asleep by 9, but even still, their sleep is broken by the hold of nightmares and horrors that firmly clutch upon their sleeping minds. Kara – the girl's name, apt for the thicket of curls upon her head – breaks the dividing line between then after one evidently terrifying vision, her tiny fists clutching onto his pajamas._

_Loki freezes, unsure of what to do. A memory flashes into his head, unbidden and unwelcome. His mother, back before his family was nothing more than a cruel lie, telling him how he slept at her side for years as a child, unable to keep his own bed. How she would whisper stories, sing him lullabies, until his fears passed._

_Odd how being left alone in the cold to die could alter one's sense of trust._

_"It will be all right," he lies, the first uncruel thing he has said to her. It is a banal platitude, it is a blatant falsehood, because neither of them shall ever hope for a normal life, one free of the monstrosities he has bestowed upon them both. All they will know is pain and bitterness, but in a masochistic gesture, he will at least not abandon her to loneliness. There are too many orphaned in the city, and Loki has know pretenses about humanity's ability to abandon or willfully ignore its own._

_By blood and the cruel echoes of fate she is his. Her breathing hitches and she rests her thicket of curls against his shoulder. His smile is relieved but troubled, and he tentatively presses a hand to the curve of her back._

_She could not ever hope to make him hers._

* * *

The head wound was closed up with a butterfly bandage. Loki waved off going to the hospital, knowing the wound would heal soon enough. He was surprised it hadn't fully closed already. He'd insisted Kara get a full check-up by the EMTs. She'd escaped with only bumps and bruises. Even George survived, though would need some stitches to his fin.

"Rapid healing and making force fields. That's pretty awesome. My sister, well, she does something with sound. Kinda lame power, I know. But you - did you go to that school?"

"No, I didn't," Loki said, sipping the cup of bitter yet hot coffee they'd given him after they sat him down, watching for signs of shock before they'd let him go. "Self-taught, mostly. I'm just to have had said abilities tonight."

"You and your little girl and all those people down there are glad. You saved their lives, Mister. You're like a superhero."

Loki nearly spit out his mouthful of coffee. He had been trying to save Kara. That was all. The other lives meant nothing. They had to mean nothing. "No, I - no. I'm not a hero. I was only worried about my little girl."

"And you made a magic shield and saved at least two dozen people. I clean up the carnage after these things, every time, but if I could do what you do, I'd get some spandex and a cape and go out there and kick evil's a-" He coughed as he remembered Kara. "Kick evil's butt. Make it so I didn't have to do my job, you know."

Loki looked into his cup, trying not to crush it in his hands. The man was a naive fool. Humans with powers, the sensible ones, at least, used those gifts and that knowledge to dominate. They understood humans were meant to be controlled, cowed, and ruled.

Kara wrapped her arms around his legs and rested her head, carefully, on his lap. "You're a good hero," she whispered, and something in Loki threatened to come undone. He wanted to scream, to tell to these mortal beings who he really was, to make them tremble in fear, not lavish him with praise. But he was becoming less and less certain of that identity, of who he was and what he wanted, every day. Loki simply nodded, his silver tongue useless, and ran his fingers over her tangled hair.

This child was no different than the rest of her kind, merely a smaller, more helpless ant. But she had become something more than a twisted echo of his own fate, a masochistic embrace of the pain the universe seemed happy to dole out to him. She had become something to cherish, something to protect.

Someone to love.

Someone no different from the rest of her kind.


	6. Party Favors

Author's note: thank you all so very, very much for the reviews, favs, and follows. It's all a little bit stunning, and I appreciate all of my readers. You guys are amazing!

This is the penultimate chapter - the finale might not be up for a week or so, since long chapter is long and needs more editing. And I want to give you all a great finale since it'll be a bit of a wait for the sequel.

As usual, I own no one but the OCs.

* * *

Their rather spacious kitchen was going to need another fridge for the prodigious amount of artwork Kara made. Loki tried to decipher her newest masterpiece. With as much modern at as he had seen (and in one case accidentally destroyed) you think he would appreciate abstract figures by now.

"Let me guess. That's you." Loki pointed to a brown squiggle wearing a bright blue blob.

Kara smiled and nodded. "And that's Cap'n 'Merica." He was a much larger blue and red squiggle with an impossibly tiny head. His shield – Loki guessed it was a shield – was held over Kara's head. Her aegis, Dr. Franklin had called him. Something that would always keep her safe. She'd seized onto him, a toy in the waiting room those years ago, and refused to let him go. She began to leave her fear and terror behind, bit by bit, helped by a plush doll and a kindly woman who knew how to heal what a stack full of parenting books did not.

Even if those dark days were long past, Loki could bear his daughter's fixation with a resigned if genuine gratitude.

"I see. And this is me, then?" He pointed to a peachy and green blob on the other side of Kara. "Am I – fishing? Amazingly uncoordinated with a jump rope?" A green and yellow tangle of spirals and lines was in his stick hands, nearly touching the equally crude shield.

"No, Daddy," Kara said, with the frustration only the superior and the very young could wield convincingly. "It's your magic."

"It's very….swirly," Loki said, fingers tracing over the paper in slow circles. Whenever he thought of his magic, it was smooth, supple, like quicksilver, or fleeting and shadowy as smoke. His seidr was subtle, mischevious – it didn't lend itself to take one shape for long.

"I like it. It's pretty. And strong."

He leaned over and pressed a kiss atop her head. "No one's ever said that before. But I think we have something very important today to think about. What could it possibly be…"

Kara pulled insistently at his shirt, wondering how her dad could have forgotten something like that. "My party!"

"Is it your party? Really? Then it's a good thing I just happened to get you a brand new dress." Kara's gaze went from annoyed to adoring with almost supernatural speed. "Unless you someone else in the house who could use a pretty blue frock. Maybe George would like it.

"George is too big," Kara said matter-of-factly, and Loki merely nodded at her rather odd sense of the word. "But he needs a bow."

"He wants to wear a bow?"

'No, I want him to. And I'm the birthday girl." She bit her lip, looking so mischievous Loki could not be prouder. "I wonder if Cap'n America will come to my party?"

Loki grinned as he kneeled down, resting her hands on her slightly shoulders. "Maybe if you wish very, very hard."

* * *

Watching people being humiliated on the Internet was so much funnier when it wasn't you. Pepper had made sure every bit of evidence of the infamous birthday party had disappeared, and he wouldn't be surprised if Natasha made anyone who didn't hand over their phone/camera had disappeared themselves.

But this? Tony groaned, and not because his ribs still growled every time he so much as thought about moving. He held his head in his hands as he watched the choppy but unmistakable looping image of Thor and his hammer spinning out of control, crashing into Tony mid-air.

"That doesn't sound like research. Would you get over here already? We're having a serious discussion." Clint, of course, had to be the kill-joy.

"It's not research since Richards is on that. He seems to think he knows who was driving our newest killbots, and if he thinks he knows something, he's a bit of a dick about it. But it is information gathering." Tony rolled his eyes, clenching a fist. On the screen, Thor and his armored self went flying; the word FAIL popped against the clear blue sky.

The damn post had ten thousand likes and reblogs in a day. Fame could be such a bitch sometimes.

"Stark, get your ass over here." Natasha gave him that look, the one that promised a long and painful evisceration. Tony shrugged and kept scrolling through his Dashboard.

"Do we seriously need a debrief from yesterday? That wasn't a fight, it was your miscreant brother having fun with his favorite toys." Tony raised an eyebrow at the God of Thunder. "And by the way, oww. Your magic hammer needs a reverse mode."

"How many times must I apologize?"

"Oh, I'm thinking a few hundred more. Or you could find me some cute blond Swedish masseuse and we'd call it even. But seriously, what has all your panties in a twist." He winked at Bruce. Winking at Natasha was only when he felt a death wish coming on. "Though some of us go commando."

"You didn't see Loki, Tony? Right at the end?" Bruce ignored the comment on his fashion choices, lowering his glasses.

"Well, I had just accidentally gotten my ass handed to me by Princess Grace here-"

"I am NOT a Princess!"

"Could have fooled me. So no, I missed it. What's the highlight reel?" Tony crossed his arms across his chest, and he noticed Thor's grip on that damn hammer tighten.

Great, so Thor didn't see it either. If the Norse god was going to have another hissy fit about his brother, he sure as hell hoped he did it outside.

"He-" Bruce shook his head, taking of his glasses and wiping them on his shirt. "He kept a car from crashing into a family. Probably saved their life. And then he disappeared." Bruce frowned and slid his glasses back on. "Which he does a lot."

"No, we do the saving and the hero stuff. He does the death and destruction and general fucking things up." Tony looked around at the assembled Avengers, seated and standing around the room. "Oh, you know there's some diabolical reason behind it. He probably was the one who set the car flying in the first place."

"He was," Steve said, shaking his head. "But he still stopped it. That's not exactly like him."

"Bruce, you said it yourself. Bag of cats crazy. The man's chaos personified. So today he keeps a couple New Yorkers from horrible death, tomorrow he'll bring another army of space shrimp and take out the Bronx."

"Space shrimp." Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"I like it better than space whales. Whales don't have shells. Or maybe I just want shrimp. But seriously, you guys are acting like we need to sit down with Reindeer Games and ask him why he's being slightly less evil? He's playing us," Tony said, looking pointedly at Thor. "Nothing else."

"But what if my brother saved them, purposely? What if he is sorry of his ways?" Gods. Thor looked like a golden retriever puppy whenever he talked about his damned brother, one Tony almost couldn't bear to kick. But he would, of course.

"Thor, it's not gonna happen. Okay, he saved them, but what about the crap with the Chitauri? Both times! And that little town in New Mexico when he decided to go all Scar on your Mufasa."

"Who is this Scar?"

"He's a lion." Tony needed a damn translator for Thor and the Captain sometimes. "You haven't seen it? I thought you loved going to musicals?"

"Oh yeah. A play about brothers trying to kill each other, but with singing. Just his thing," Bruce said, coughing behind his hand.

"What I am saying is that the Destroyer was not so bad." Thor held his hands up as the Avengers turned, to a man (and a woman), to look at him in outright dibelief. "When the Destroyer attacked, if Loki wished to annihilate the town, he could have done so. Once it struck me down, it would have returned to Asgard."

"Thor, I saw what that thing did. You're saying that was Loki going easy?" Clint crossed his arms over his chest, his shoulders twitching slightly.

"When a King or Prince of Asgard wishes to devastate a realm, those who survive, if any, will know it." There was a hint of regret in Thor's voice, but also a surety that set Tony's nerves on edge. Thor might be a good-natured boor most of the time, but damned if sometimes Tony didn't see the God of Thunder that set the Vikings shaking in their helmets. "Before my father's revelation, Loki would hurt and harm, but never kill without reason. Only after his fall-"

"We are not getting into the 'poor Loki, he fell into the Void' crap again," Clint said, his voice tight. "But I'm with Tony. This isn't him seeing the light, this is him throwing us off our game. And if you go back to worrying more about him than protecting this planet from him, you're delusional."

Well, Clint completely failed to comprehend Thor's not so subtle reminder that pissing gods off was not something that led to a long life.

Tony felt his hair standing on end as Thor raised his hammer. "No! No breaking anyone or anything in this room or in this building. Find some other manly way to settle this that doesn't end up with Clint in a full-body cast." He shrugged and took another sip.

The god and the assassin glared at each other, but made no further comment. Bruce laughed, wiping at his eyes. The rest of the Avengers stared at him in turn.

"What if this is his plan," the scientist said. "It's a lot like the old plan, but it seems to work. A little too well."

"It's not like we can hold an intervention and sit him down, ask him if evil is really the right path for him." Tony snorted. "He's not just going to walk in here-"

In a gold and green flash of light, Loki wavered into being behind Steve, grabbing him by the wrist. "No, I'm not going to walk Stark. Teleporting is so much easier. But you have something I need. I promise, I'll bring him right back."

He grinned, that bright, cutting, slightly manic smile, and in another green and gold shimmer, Loki was gone.

As was Captain America.


	7. Another Year Older

Author's Note: So, it's technically still the weekend in Alaska? But here is the finale, which needed a lot more love, but there's a lot that's new, and hopefully better. And I just want to thank every single one of you who have read, followed, favorited, and reviewed. This thing has been not only a damn fun story to write, but has reinvigorated me and made me feel so much more creative than I felt in a while. I've needed that. And so thank you, so much, for coming on the start of this trip back into creative writing with me. Y'all are fantastic company.

The next story, Thor's Days, will start going up sometime this month, and will probably be on a weekly/biweekly schedule. Can't wait to see you there. :)

-Artie

As usual, Kara et all are mine. The rest belong to Marvel - and see, I brought them back in good condition at the end.

* * *

Steve thought nothing could surprise him anymore. A carrier that floated among the clouds, aliens who claimed to be gods, a city he sometimes barely recognized, said city nearly destroyed by an army of invading aliens. On the more everyday _level_, cat videos on the Internet, Tony's morning attire, or lack thereof, in the Tower, the length of women's skirts.

Being kidnapped by Thor's insane brother and bouncing all across creation hardly ranked anymore. He'd fought HYDRA soldiers and Doombots, and in all honesty, Loki wasn't trying all that hard. The trickster had landed a few hits – had smashed his communicator with a glancing blow – but he seemed more interested in leading Steve on this little chase than anything else.

Verdant, stifling jungles and arid deserts flashed by like a flickering film reel. Then they were in snow, sharp and stinging and bitter cold. Suddenly furious and not more than a little panicked, Steve swung his shield out and hit Loki across the head at the moment a portal to somewhere greener and he prayed warmer shimmered into existence.

He saw the demi-god lying there, a dark, unmoving bundle on the snow, and he supposed he should grab him. But the portal was closing and Steve was not going to be left in the cold, much less with an alien megalomaniac. Shield first, he leapt through the hole in the universe. To where, he had no idea, but it had to be better than this.

Steve's feet hit soft, green grass. He breathed in cool air laced with exhaust, heard a familiar cacophony of voices and horns that was New York. He lowered his shield, just a bit, acutely aware he was being watched. A crowd of children and who he presumed were their parents stared, slack jawed, red cups and juice boxes tumbling to the ground.

"Is that-?"

"Oh no way."

The tables were decked out in red, white, and blue, in familiar circles and stars. No one wanted to step forward, or do more than blink and gape, until a little girl with a headful of tight brown curls and a blue dress that was practically a mirror of his costume darted forward and wrapped her arms tight around his knees.

"This is the best birthday ever!"

* * *

"The last reads on his signature were in – Christ, Belize? And the middle of the Sahara. And somewhere in Scandinavia I'm not even trying to pronounce." Clint crossed his arms across his chest. 'I'm just saying we split up. Or we wait."

"We will not abandon the Captain," Thor boomed. Tony could already feel the Quinjet getting smaller. Thor paused, his grip on Mjolnir tightening. "Or-"

"Or your brother," Clint snapped. "You know, maybe we have this all wrong. I'm sure Loki just wanted to take the two of them out for tea and cake after their world tour."

"Kids, if you don't quit arguing, we're not stopping for ice cream on the way home." Tony turned back to the pilot's console and clenched his jaw. 'Okay, we'll hit Belize first, and if he's not there-"

"Sir." Good old JARVIS. Another interruption, but infinitely less annoying.

"Not now, JARVIS. Damsels in spandex to rescue."

"Sir. I believe Captain Rogers is in Manhattan. Visual evidence has placed him here, in Washington Heights." A bright blue dot pinged into life on the display, in a square of green nestled between th expanse of buildings and rivers. "There is a gathering of civilians nearby you should note, as-"

"Yeah, yeah, duly noted." Tony shrugged his shoulders. "At least we're saving S.H.I.E.L.D. on gas, though you know, Belize was starting to grow on me. They have nice beaches. I think. Any sign of Reindeer Games?"

"Not as yet, sir. However, the phone signal you asked me to trace from your earlier confrontation is currently active and in use two blocks from Captain Rogers location."

Bingo. Tony rubbed his hands together. Maybe today they'd finally get one up on the trickster and ship him back to a galaxy far, far away.

"Hack into the phone. Get all the information you can. Contacts, call logs, embarrassing pictures of Doom." Tony smirked and turned around as he lowered his visor.

"It's amazing what you can do with too much money, computing power and a total disregard for privacy." Tony spun back around as Natasha fired up the Quinjet's engines, launching them above the tower.

"You, ah, only hack into phones that aren't ours, right?" Bruce gave a nervous little laugh, and Tony could just imagine that mixture of amusement and annoyance on his face.

"Don't worry, Doc. Your deep, dark Angry Birds secret is safe with me."

* * *

"That was the most exciting game of musical chairs I've seen in a long time." The victor raised her arms in triumph; the loser's pout abated when a red, white and blue plastic bag was pressed into his hands.

"You should play too!" Steve swore Kara had thrown the game in the first round if only so she didn't have to spend another second away from him. There was something so earnest and innocent in her eyes – even if she had a hell of a tackle in Tag. Perhaps the future wasn't nearly so cynical as it seemed. Not all the time, at least.

"I think I might break your chairs." Kara laughed and looked up from picking clover.

"You're not clumsy. My daddy says Thor's clumsy! He would break a chair." Kara giggled, pressing green-smudged fingers to her mouth.

"Thor isn't clumsy. He's not exactly light on his feet, but-" Steve (smiled a bit). "Did your Dad show you that video with him and Iron Man? That doesn't happen a lot."

"It was funny! Like Thor Cat!" She tried to explain, as best as a four year old could, a video that somehow combined Thor, Pop Tarts, and rainbows. Steve made a note to ask Stark about it when he got back to the Tower.

To which he really needed to return. His communicator was shot, he refused to carry one of the little slips of metal that passed for phones, and the last time he had tried to contact Tony through Stark Industries, he'd put three holes in the wall in short order dealing with their automated phone system

He tried to explain, yet again, that as wonderful as her party was, he had to go. Kara's lips wobbled and she wrapped herself around his calf.

"No. Daddy isn't back yet. Maybe he got lost." Kara looked up, lips still a-quiver even if her gaze was set. "Can we go find him?"

"I think your Daddy's fine. If anyone would get lost around here, it's me." Washington Heights, growing up, meant hearing Yiddish on every corner, the handful of Irish and Greek businesses that were still there mingling with signs in German and Polish. Steve may have grown up on the Upper East Side, but his sense of adventure was always bigger than himself. "Everything in the city is so different."

"Do you still like it?" Kara sat down and folded her hands in her lap. A clear sign if anything that she'd won this last skirmish to keep him here.

Steve didn't know how to answer at first. A few years ago his answer would have been clearer, so much angrier. His New York was lost, like so much else, but it no longer meant he couldn't learn to love this glimmering, grimy, imperiled metropolis that had risen in its place.

"It looks different, and it sounds different, but I still love it. Always will." Steve sighed in pleasant resignation and sat down next to her. "What about you? What's your favorite thing to do?"

Kara bit hard on her lip. "I like the squirrels and tea and the trains…"

"Those are good things to like. Maybe not all together. Squirrels have very bad manners." Steve used his most matter-of-fact voice, which, according to Tony, was the only voice he had.

"Dinosaurs have better manners," Kara replied even more assuredly, and Steve could only nod at her logic. "That's my favorite! The dinosaurs!" She pulled a little pink creature out of her round purse that looked terribly like his shield, a blue bow around it's neck and black stitching on one of its fins. "I got little George where the dinosaurs live. The moo…moo…"

"Museum?"

"Mooseum! I found him at the mooseum, like Daddy found me, and I 'dopted him and took him home."

"Your Daddy found you in a museum?"

"Noooo." Kara snorted and shook her head. "He found me after the bad things came. My mommy died and he 'dopted me. Just like I 'dopted little George." She hugged the little toy tight. "There were lots of them but he was the best. Big George thinks so too."

"Big George?" Steve was thankful her conversation had already leapt ahead. What could you tell someone who'd lost their mother, especially if they were barely old enough to understand? "Is that his brother?"

"You're so silly. Little George is little. Big George is big. They're both George. But little George can come to parties cause he's little and doesn't live in the water." Kara held him out to hold. Steve imagined this wasn't an honor she gave lightly.

"I like his bow. It's a very nice color." He looked across at her, at this smaller, darker, girlish reflection. "And what do you know. We all match."

Kara was practically iridescent with joy, and even her dad's friend screeching at the rest of the kids to stay away from his shield couldn't interrupt it.

An idea flashed into Steve's mind. One more game, and then he'd head back to Manhattan. Really.

He reached out for the little girl's hand as he rose to his feet. What more could one game possibly hurt?

* * *

"Oh my god, they're playing pin the star on the shield. With his actual shield. This is the most adorable thing ever." Loki rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips. "But you know he can't stay around the entire party. He's got Avengering to do. I think he's too nice to say no to a damn kid. Where are you now?"

Loki let out a long-suffering sigh as he spit out his well-practiced lies to explain his lingering absence. "Broadway and somewhere in Hamilton Heights. I think it would be faster if I walked. You're getting pictures, I assume."

"Are you kidding? I'm on my second memory card." Connie snorted. "That's karma. You go off to find a Captain America because the one you hire turns out to be a no-show drunk, and boom, we get the real one."

"The universe and I have an odd relationship." Loki smirked, brushing at his jacket. "At least Kara seems to the beneficiary this time around." He sighed and looked at his watch. "You may as well do the – whatever it is you got. The thing filled with candy the children hit with the stick. If he needs to go, don't keep him around on my account."

A well-placed doppleganger should draw off the Captain and allow him to resume the party his little girl was enjoying, quite immensely it seemed.

"The piñata. It's called a piñata. How can you live here for almost two years and still be such a gringo?"

"You seemed to catch my meaning easily enough. And don't let the Captain help the kids."

"He's a superhero. He's going to want to help them out! It's what they do."

"And one hit of his sends the piñata and its contents into a low orbit." Loki shook his head watching as the bright sunlight dimmed, shadows of clouds racing down the street. A low throbbing at his temple reminded him of the blow he'd taken earlier. "If he does insist, tell him to go easy on the backswing-"

A peal of thunder made him- and half the people around him – jump. People pulled jackets over their heads, ran for doorways and balconies, but Loki knew there wasn't any rain coming. He let out a low, venomous slew of curses, forgetting his audience on the other end.

"What were you, a Norwegian sailor in your last life? And damn it, this storm couldn't wait? If it lasts long there won't be much of a party left."

"I should hope not. I'll call you back." Loki thumbed the call off and slid the phone into his pocket. His brother crashed to the ground in front of him, followed by the rest of his band of misfit toys.

"Well done, Avengers. You've thwarted my evil walk down the street." He crossed his arms over his chest and raised a single brow. "Why don't we skip the small talk, go straight to you losing this little skirmish, and we all go about our merry ways."

* * *

"Did you pick up a copy of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Villains or something?" Tony took a step forward to the man staring them down with nothing but his sarcasm as a weapon. The casual look was a little – new.

Loki was dressed down, jeans and a black blazer over a light green t-shirt. His hair was short, just a hint of wave, but there was no mistaking the man.

Tony continued with his verbal assault. "Or maybe you don't want to get the ass-kicking you deserve out of those clothes. Are you wearing Armani?" Thor trying to pick out human clothing for himself made Tony want to call What Not To Wear; Loki, on the other hand, looked like he walked out of GQ.

"No reason not look one's best on a casual stroll." Loki leaned back against the building, crossing his arms. "Which is what I was doing before I was so rudely interrupted. Though if you were going for subtlety, you might want to leave this one at home," he said, smirking at Thor. "Not exactly his forte."

"Brother-" The air crackled and Tony pressed a gloved hand to his helmet.

"Electric Company, lay off the pyrotechnics." Tony turned back to Loki, who was watching the scene like he was the damned Cheshire Cat. "And enough of this casual Friday bullshit-"

"It's Saturday last time I checked, Stark."

"It's a saying. Why the hell did you break into my tower, and what did you do with the Captain?"

Loki's smirk turned into derisive laughter, and Tony wanted to blast it off his face. "What part of God of Mischief do you people not understand? Really, you should be trying to locate your erstwhile comrade – he may need a coat, and he was so very unprepared."

Natasha raised her eyebrow subtly. Tony gave a quick nod, hoping her unspoken question was about the Captain's actual whereabouts.

Natasha rested a hand on a hip. "You're not even bothering to keep an eye on him yourself? That seems a little sloppy to me. Did you get Doom to babysit?"

"Has it ever occurred to you, Earth's most Meddlesome Heroes, not all of my actions are part of some nefarious plan? That my life may simply be easier without your constant presence? Or it simply may be marvelous fun to break into your little fortress at my will? Now if the lot of you have nothing better to do, I'm sure we can have a day without reducing another city block to rubble." He smirked and raised an eyebrow at Banner. "That may be harder for some of us. No offense."

"None taken." Tony could hear the soft-spoken sarcasm in Bruce's voice. "But since when did you have a life?"

There was the subtlest of flashes in the god's pale green eyes. Well. Good to know Natasha wasn't the only one who could make Loki slip up with a truth now and then. Tony brought a hand up, and if the god should damn well know by now that the brightening glow in his palm meant the talking was coming to a close. Or would have, if Pepper didn't have the worst timing ever.

Tony keyed the call on and hoped she made it quick.

"Pepper, I'm going to have to call you back. Kind of in a middle of a standoff with our villain of the week, then we still have to get the Captain. I'm thinking take-out for dinner?"

"That's why I called, Tony. I just got an alert that he's fighting a Doombot. Maybe? The source was a little vague."

"Maybe a Doombot? What's your source, TMZ?" Tony gritted his teeth. "We'll check it out, Pepper. Not going to leave him to fight it alone."

"Be careful, Tony."

"Aren't I always?" Tony killed the connection and looked to the team, half of which looked ready to pummel Loki into small pieces and call it a day. "Listen up, people. Not like this hasn't been fun, but we have a possible Doombot where the Cap is, and he needs us. Not like this hasn't been….confusing and pointless," he said to Loki, wondering why the man's face had gone paler than usual. "Though the next time you take my stuff, you are so getting your ass kicked."

Tony expected Loki to laugh, or vanish in a flash of light, not for him to look terrified. "Was it a Doombot or not, Stark?" Loki's voice was low, barely more than a whisper, and was one of the most frightening things Tony had heard in a long time. "Yes or no?"

"Jesus, she didn't know. You're BFFs with the guy, why don't you just-' Tony blinked as Loki took off in a run down the street. Right in the direction of the Captain and the would-be Doombot.

Thinking back on that day, Tony realized there were many points where the day had lost any semblance of sense. Watching Loki and the Captain vanish out of the Tower had been baffling, but watching Loki run, without his armor, into possible danger, made him question whether the universe had any meaning at all.

"Ummm….follow him? Take care of the Doombot first, and then we'll deal with Mr. Bag of Cats." Tony launched into the sky, but he could still hear Bruce's nervous laughter.

"We're beyond the bag now. I think he just bought the entire pet store."

* * *

Tony and Thor led the way, Tony with his thrusters and Thor with Mjolnir. Loki may be on foot but he was one fast little bastard. Tony kept waiting to see people running, screaming as they approached the small park but nothing. Not even a jog.

People in this city were getting way too jaded.

"There, Man of Iron!" Thor motioned to a blue figure in a stand of trees, wielding a familiar shied against a Doombot, hovering under a tree. There was a crowd around them – damn it, Steve wasn't supposed to need the 'get the civilians to safety' speech – and Tony set his beam for as narrow as possible.

Tony aimed at the Doombot and fired. The head went flying, as did the rest of it, but not with the usual eruption of sparks. The entire thing was burning, and it smelled like the time they'd accidentally destroyed a cupcake store. Not like there weren't a hundred in the city to take its place.

The crowd – which was more than half kids – started cheering as Tony set down on the grass. "I told you Iron Man was cooler," one boy said to another, sticking out his tongue.

"Yeah, except he just blew up all the candy."

"So what? He's Tony Stark, he can, like, buy a candy store." The first boy looked up at Tony. "Can't you? Mom says you're loaded."

"Yeah, sure kid. Though try the entire candy company. What the hell's going on, Cap?" Tony slid his visor down, even more confused than he was before.

"You just killed the piñata, Tony." Steve didn't look any worse for wear, much less like he'd been kidnapped. "I managed to slip away from Loki – in Greenland, I think - and I ended up here." He paused. "I probably should have called. I didn't think I would be here so long. This party is great! You have to meet the birthday girl." Steve frowned as he looked to the far end of the park. "Tony, that civilian look kinda like Loki. Is that why Thor looks like he's going to inflict death by hugging on him?"

"Uh yeah. About him. He's-" Tony trailed off as a little girl in a dark blue dress with white stars ran towards the Norse gods. "Damn it. This is why we don't do unscheduled PR stops."

She didn't run towards Thor, or the other three Avengers who had just made it to the park. Her arms wrapped tight around Loki's knees, and her dark brown eyes weren't wide with fear.

Oh no. Because fear would be logical, and logic had no part in today whatsoever.

"You got me all the Avengers?" Loki kneeled down – shouldn't he be growling at her? Calling her some kind of horrible name? – and smiled at her question. True, the smile was tired and a little wary, but it was real, and not that evil, slightly unhinged grin of his. Though truthfully, Tony hadn't seen that look quite as much lately.

"I did. Thor was a bit of an accident." Loki smirked at the demi-god in question as the little girl threw her arms around him in a hug.

"That's okay!" She looked up at Thor with a slightly glowering stare. "No eating all my cupcakes, or falling on anybody! Daddy says you're clumsy and loud." She wrinkled up her nose in thought. "And kind of stupid. But you look more silly than stupid."

"I am neither clumsy nor loud, and certainly not stupid! Your father is-" Thor looked between Loki and the girl as he and the rest of the Avengers made the conclusion he didn't think any of them could have predicted.

"Daddy? You're Daddy since when?" Tony looked at Loki and his – no. No way did Loki have it in him to be any kind of father.

Loki raised an eyebrow as he stood up. "I thought you only called me that in private, Stark. But Kara does have a point." He smiled and looked around between the stunned Avengers and the equally stunned yet ecstatic children and their parents. "Time for cake and presents, everyone?"

* * *

"Tony, I have a question. And I don't think it's hypothetical."

"Go ahead, Cap." Tony eyed the red, white, and blue swirled cupcake in his glove, and after gauging no one seemed to be collapsing or changing into newts, took a bite.

If he was going to crash Loki's kid's party and delay a long-overdue ass-kicking until his daughter opened her presents, Tony was going to have a damn cupcake. Or two.

"That portal I leapt through. Did it open to one of those…parallel universes you and Dr. Banner talk about?"

"You know, leaping into a bizzaro world where Loki has a kid and….friends? People who don't want to shoot him with various things? And buys – oh my God, we need to get a cupcake for Pepper before we go. Or they get destroyed. These are amazing."

"Tony, a little concentration."

"Right, right. Like I said, great theory, but considering the rest of us are all here with you and we didn't get to go on the supervillain-go-round this morning, it doesn't quite work." Tony finished off the last bite, the icing melting in his mouth. Seriously, what kind of megalomaniac did this? "So, the plan is, she finishes opening her presents – and if she opens up another things with your face on it I might have to be sick – we suck it up through a little chit chat, the parents leave, and we get her somewhere safer than with Mr. Bag of Cats."

Cap's silence rankled, like something crawling inside his suit. "I'm not saying it's going to be easy but she's a human kid. She needs protecting from him, not for us to stand around and talk with these people who need just as much protecting and then go along our merry little way."

"I know who he is, Tony. It's just…." Steve shook his head and did that noble staring off into the distance thing. "She really seems to care about him. We're going to be ripping her away from whatever kind of family she's had for a second time."

"Yeah, and the whole thing about her mom dying when the bad things came? Remember who brought the bad things to this city. Twice. We'll make sure S.H.I.E.L.D. gets her the best kiddie therapist there is." To prove his point, Tony did a quick search and pulled up a list on his Stark phone. "And I already did the research for them. If it makes you that uncomfortable, Cap, you can stay with the girl, and the rest of us will take Daddy Dearest."

"I feel a little bad about this." Bruce wrung his hands together, crossing one leg over the other in his seat.

Clint nearly rolled his eyes into the back of his head. Natasha remained impassive, as always. Thor only looked more miserable than he did when this entire mess started.

"Not you, too." Tony was damn tired of being stuck in repeat. "I hate to have Clint as my main voice of reason on this but-"

"Oh, I agree with you. Mostly. But I just feel bad we didn't bring a present. Besides, 'hi, we're the Avengers, and your daddy's a bad man so we're going to take you now.'" Bruce frowned and rubbed at the back of his neck. "That's not a very good gift. I don't suppose anyone has…anything?"

"My gun and some C-4. I don't think that was what you had in mind." Natasha leaned back in her chair.

Thor grumbled and pushed himself out of his chair, stalking away from the group before he and Mjolnir launched into the sky. "We're getting Thor a puppy after this. Jesus, he's taking this hard."

"It's Loki. How else is he going to take it?" Natasha clapped absently as Kara pulled a handful of shirts, most of them with Captain America on them, from a bright red bag. "At least she doesn't have a thing for Iron Man. Then we'd have to deal with Thor being depressed and you being insufferable."

"I can't help it if his kid has horrible taste." Somewhere in the distance, lightning flashed, the thunder rolling and distant. The birthday girl – or her father – did not look pleased. "At least Thor's blowing off steam somewhere that is…else?"

Thor landed back in the park with a resounding thud, Mjolnir in one hand and what looked like a curling wisp of pale grey smoke in the other. Damn. Tony didn't think Thor had it in him to be creative. But to make the first move in the endless tit for tat with his ungrateful little brother?

That was all Thor.

The thunder god cleared his throat and held the delicate glass to Kara. She tried looking skeptical, but when a superhero handed you a beautiful work of art he made with lightning from his magic hammer, it was hard to stay negative. Probably even harder when you were four.

"I'm told on your world, it would be poor form not to offer something on the day of one's birth." Loki wasn't even looking at Thor, and instead his death glare was focused on the glass. Except for a second, just a second, it wasn't a death glare but something wistful and longing and less furious and more – sad. Achingly, wrenchingly, sad. Tony blinked and the look was gone.

"Thank you! It's so pretty." Kara watched it shimmer and shine in the fading light. "Did you make it with lightning?"

Thor laughed, even if his smile didn't quite reach his eyes, hefting Mjolnir back into his hands. "Yes, I did."

Kara seemed to ponder this. "Maybe lightning is okay. But no thunder!"

Thor laughed genuinely at that, which only brought his brother's death glare back up to an 11. "You cannot have one without the other, I'm afraid."

* * *

Now Tony knew why he drank through all his parties. Because part of him would rather have the skin flayed off his feet than talk to New Yorkers – much less parents – sober.

On the other hand, watching two master assassins trying not to kill Loki's guests was far more amusing than it should be.

One little snot had no idea how close he was to experiencing Clint's skills firsthand. "You shoot arrows? That's the crappiest superpower ever."

"Oh my God, you have to tell me what you eat to look that good in your suit. Or what you don't eat." Natasha smiled, tight-lipped, at the attractive if vacuous brunette whose gaze was firmly settled on her waist. "Do you do Pilates?"

Bruce had struck gold for a change, and had found a sane guest, evidently one of Kara's teachers. "So, how do you know Luke? Are the two of you friends?"

"Friends? Friends is such a strong word," Bruce said, stammering a bit as he poked at his cake. "Do you ever get to teach the kids science? Science is good. I like science."

Tony had been left to talk with George and Stephen, two lawyers who were maybe the closest thing Loki would ever get to friends. They seemed more than willing to spill details on Loki's alter ego, a mild-mannered British ex-pat.

"So how does someone like Luke know the Tony Stark?" No wonder Loki seemed to like these two. Trust the god of lies to find a bunch of married attorneys for playdates.

"We're professional rivals? That's – yeah, that's the best way to put it." Tony shrugged, which wasn't easy to do in the suit. "It's a complicated relationship."

George raised an eyebrow. 'This – there's no good way to ask this question, but you and Luke aren't-" He made a series of increasingly awkward hand gestures. "In another kind of….complicated relationship? That maybe needs better safewords?"

"I – oh my God, no." Tony held his hands out, wondering what in the hell made them even ask. "Not like there's anything wrong with that, but that's not my kink. And he's so not my type."

"Had to ask," Stephen shrugged. "Maybe he really is just that clumsy."

Maybe Steve was right, and they had fallen into bizzaro world.

"Well, I feel like kicking his ass. Now Alice is going to make us get the Invisible Woman for her birthday." George shook his head and looked up to the heavens. "Hey, do you know the Fantastic Four?"

"Unfortunately." Tony shook his head, wishing he could erase every meeting he had with Reed Richards from existence.

"Our little girl loves them. If you could get us in touch with the Invisible Woman, we'd be so grateful. We could pay you – not like you need the money but we could."

Tony stared. This was what Loki had been doing the past two years? Arranging playdates and being a typical Manhattan parent (albeit in the Heights) in between half-heartedly kicking their asses and palling it up with Doom? "I'll try, but you know, besides flinging force fields, all she does is be invisible. I don't think your kid'll notice if she's there or not."

"Does everyone who can do force fields work the invisibility thing? Because we could just ask Luke if that's the case." Stephen went on talking as if Tony hadn't even spoken.

"Except he's not supposed to know that we know," George retorted. He winced and looked at Tony. "And don't let him know that we know, okay? Kara told us and I don't know if she was supposed to."

"What are you not supposed to know?" Tony leaned forward. "Because, trust me, I probably know more than you guys think."

"We know he's not exactly human." Stephan shrugged his shoulders. Tony blinked and tried to wonder how in the hell these people could sit here and drink punch and eat cupcakes with an alien megalomaniac.

"Wait, you know, and you're still friends?" Tony tried very hard not to gape. "Are you people stupid?"

"Okay, way to kill my fantasies about you," George interrupted. "You were the last person I thought would go for that 'humans first' bullshit."

"Wait, how did I suddenly become anti-mutant? If you didn't notice, my friends are the best bunch of not-quite-humans in the state. Maybe the Eastern seaboard." Tony paused. "Wait, did you say fantasies?"

"Then what was that rant before?" George looked as hopelessly confused as Tony felt. "Luke's a mutant. Or we think he is."

Oh no. Now Tony was in bizzaro world. Population one. "Dare I even ask?"

"You know when those flying robots attacked a few weeks ago? Kara said he saved them, and a bunch of people in a subway entrance." George paused. "Kara said he made some kind of shield that kept them safe until they could get rescued. She was really proud." George smiled, took a sip of his punch. "If he could do an Invisible Woman impersonation, he'd be back in my good graces. But seriously, don't let him know about the mutant thing. We're cool with it but not everyone is."

"I'm all for people not abusing their powers, but I would love to see him snap and fling Fraulein Jones against a wall at the next Parents' Council." Stephen smirked and raised an arched brow.

"Nah. I'm all for a good verbal evisceration." George snorted and lowered his voice. 'We had to look up half the words he was using, but any man that can put an uncouth fishwife from the Hamptons in her place is someone I want on my side."

* * *

Thor had said it himself. You couldn't have lightning without the thunder. Could you have Luke without Loki? The father without the villain?

Loki was a narcissistic and slightly unhinged demigod with a penchant for world domination. Luke was a decent guy who actually had friends, or at least decent acquaintances, and gave a shit about the kid that they were going to take away. Tony should be relieved and a little righteous that she'd be in a much healthier environment, but he just felt a knot in the pit of his stomach when he looked at the little girl. She and the last kid left were chasing Steve around the far end of the park, shrieking and laughing without a clue what was coming next.

And then the last kid and his mom were gone, and the mess left behind was one that wasn't ever getting clean.

Tony could already hear Clint insisting, not at all quietly, that Loki would just let her go if he knew what was good for both of, thought it was practically drowned out by Thor's wounded accusations. Bruce, poor Bruce, was trying to keep things amiable without letting the Other Guy come out and play peacemaker.

Steve at least had the sense to keep Kara away from the arguing that was threatening to boil over any second. Tony could feel her fate weighing on him like a second set of armor, pulling him into the ground. Maybe talking at Steve would at least share the misery.

"You know, I don't think she'd mind staying with you a while." There weren't many days Tony hated what he did. He was starting to wonder if Clint was the only one who'd sleep soundly tonight.

"Loki's pretty good at escaping on us. If he did it again tonight, I could find a way to live with myself." It made Tony feel marginally better to know he wasn't the only one who felt the right thing to do was maybe, just maybe, completely wrong.

"So he runs and pulls her away from her school, her friends. And then Fury makes sure that we find them. I don't know if letting him go would make it better or just push this conversation to a point where we're still not ready to have it." Tony forced himself to look at Kara. May as well up the guilt.

"Sir."

"Yeah, not now, JARVIS."

"I only thought you would like to see the phone data I've spent the last hour extracting and decoding, sir."

Damn it. Tony swallowed hard and nodded. "Pull it up, JARVIS. May as well see how the wicked half lives when we aren't here."

Maybe here was hard evidence that Loki hadn't changed, that the girl was the most elaborate lie he'd thought of yet. He could go into the group, tell them to lock up Loki, take in the girl, and walk away with a clear conscience.

But all the phone records did was to take the knot and yank it firmly into his throat. It was so damn easy when the villains never took off their black hats, never did one decent thing. They'd all gotten so used to brushing aside Thor's stories about The Loki That Was, the mischievous but loving younger brother that they started to wonder if that Loki wasn't just something Thor made up in his grief.

But maybe in these pictures and words there was a thread of proof that maybe this other Loki wasn't completely gone. And if this little girl who somehow had come into his keeping had brought the possibility of that Loki back, then taking her away was the best way to make sure that Loki disappeared for good.

"Cap, stay with her a little while. Tell her I just need to talk to her dad a bit." In the fine tradition of plunging into stupid situations with even stupider solutions, Tony squared his shoulders. He had no idea what the Avengers would think, or what Loki would think, but his idea was so crazy it was starting to sound like the sanest option of all.

"Can we try to avoid a disturbing the peace call tonight, guys? I don't know about the rest of you, but jail is so overrated." Tony strolled back into the group, earning the ire of Loki and every Avenger sans Steve, if only because he wasn't there. Could he bring people together or what? He crossed his arms across his chest and looked at Loki. "So, you have a day job. I wasn't thinking single father, but even I can be surprised. I'm guessing you have her in school?"

"My job isn't exactly a 'bring your daughter to work day' type of profession."

"She's at Fieldston." Bruce coughed, "Her teacher's fantastic, by the way. Thinks Kara's a great student."

Tony whistled. "Fieldston? No wonder you've picked up some larceny among your assorted crimes, if you're paying that kind of tuition. $30,000 a year? I couldn't even get in there, though I think it's because my dad couldn't be bothered to fill out paperwork that wasn't for his company." He looked around at the remnants of the party. "Was this shindig her idea or yours?"

"Hers, Stark. What, did your parents never give you a birthday party either?" Loki's hands were clenched in light fists, and Tony expected to be knocked backwards by a blast of magic any second.

"Actually, I got one. Only one. A year my dad was actually home, but usually, no, they just signed a card. Maybe. It might have been my dad's secretary."

"Tony, is there some kind of point to this?" Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"There is a point. We've been wondering why you've been a little off these past few years," Tony said, walking in slow circles around the fuming god. "Cutting off work early, being generally half-assed, not even showing up for months at a time, I mean, it made no sense. But now it all does. You're trying to be a supervillain and Mr. Mom and it's a tough gig. I understand."

"Oh, you have no comprehension at all." Loki glowered and drew himself up a little taller, but Tony saw the split-second glance over to Kara and Steve. The slightest of tells but so painfully obvious now that Tony knew to look. "And if you think she would make me show you any mercy-"

'See, I think she already has. Your friends told me about your little bit of heroism the other day-"

"The others foolish enough to be trapped were incidental. They made no difference to me-"

"Then why did you save that family from the car?" Natasha shook her head, and either she was genuinely curious, or she was that good, because he couldn't see her playing an angle at all.

"I – I do not need to answer your insipid questions, and I will be content to let every man, woman, and child in danger perish if it will make you happy." Loki was careful to keep his voice low, but the venom was still there.

Or was it?

"Then let 'em perish. There's plenty of cars here, plenty of men, women, and children who would be helpless if you only made them. We're going to stop you in the end, but we have to wait for you to start." Natasha leaned back casually, lightly. "Take your time. But it might help if you suited up first."

Seconds passed, then moments, and all Loki did was to glare furiously at her before declaring he wouldn't give Natasha or any of them the satisfaction of performing on demand.

Screw whatever kick-ass abilities the woman had – getting inside of Loki's head was Natasha's superpower.

"You and the performance issues." Tony grinned and rocked back on his heels. "It's different, having kids, isn't it? Or at least it should be. Before, you can do anything you want but now, you've got someone looking up to you. Not to say you're pure as the driven now. You're still a bit of a dick and – by the way – it figures you're the asshole who put up that video of twinkletoes and his hammer."

JARVIS had taken care to flag that particular video file, as well as Loki's social networking accounts. The god managed to stop scowling long enough to look both pleased and perplexed. "How did you know that?"

"Superintelligent AI that hacked your phone. Now – don't start cursing off body parts I'm going to miss. Because I think I'm kind of on your side here." He glanced back to Steve in the distance. "And maybe I'm not alone on this." Tony waited for fiery death to come, if not from Loki than one of the other Avengers.

"Tony, you can't be serious. God, it was bad enough when it was just Thor taking up his cause." Clint was practically predictable in his tirades. And Tony silently counted down in his head for Thor to rise to the occasion.

One, two…

"I have never taken my brother's cause, but I will not abandon his side, and if you cannot see the difference-"

"Clint, Thor, can you two just, nicely, shut the hell up for a second?" Tony took a breath and when he wasn't pummeled by Mjolnir or impaled on an arrow, continued. "I asked JARVIS to hack into your phone. I wanted proof you were the same guy who came back two years ago hoping the Chitauri could take us out when they wanted vengeance on your sorry ass. That I could turn you over to Fury and not lose any sleep over you or what happened to her."

"You are not going to take her from me." There was a pale green glow in Loki's hands and Tony quickly held up his own.

"Jesus, would you let me finish? I said 'could,' not would. Because then I got into the files and-"

Yes, there were texts from Doom, who sounded like a petulant 14-year-old girl who didn't know how to release the caps lock or the drama. And there were appointments with the second best child therapist in New York, reminders for drama lessons, e-mails from teachers, text messages from Connie riding him about pick-up schedules.

When Steve asked him later just what changed his mind, Tony showed him the pictures. In the park, at museums, at what he guessed was their kitchen, at the pool, having tea. Most of them were only her, but some had the both of them, and in each one he was smiling, not that sort of sickly grin he had when he first came to Earth but something that didn't seem twisted by anger or pain. It was a smile that actually seemed happy, or that could be happy, one day.

"You might not be a good person, but you're a damn good father. You got her into one of the best schools in Manhattan. You kidnapped Captain America to give your little girl an amazing birthday. Bringing him here – it wasn't an accident. We were, but you risked being caught when you thought, for a second, that she might be in danger. She adores you, and I think you feel the same way. And from someone who had a really shitty childhood, I'm not going to let us take an actual childhood away from her."

Or to take a way a chance at Loki becoming some kind of decent human being. Or Asgardian. Or Frost Giant disguised as an Asgardian. A decent whatever he was, anyway.

"She deserved better than what life gave her, I've simply tried to give her that," Loki said, finally, his hands crossing over his chest. "What do you propose, Stark? All of this jabbering surely can't be for nothing."

Tony let out a sigh he had been holding in the entire afternoon. "We make a deal. You lay off us for a year. Or you keep up with the half-assing, if it keeps up your supervillain cred. But no attacks on the city. Or any city, really. Even crappy ones like Cleveland."

Loki raised an eyebrow. "And what do I get in exchange for my good behavior?"

"We don't tell Fury that you've added a tax dependant. Not now. Not as long as you keep…doing whatever you're doing with her. And-" Tony took a deep breath. "I'm guessing you've been hiding yourself from prying Asgardian eyes. Thor, I need you to keep this from Heimlich-"

"Heimdall." Loki and Thor corrected Tony in unison. Thor looked confused yet hopeful, Loki simply annoyed.

"Heimdall, Heimlich, whatever. Thor, you keep this from him, and from your parents. In a year, we all see how the agreement is holding up." Tony was almost waiting to be cut off, but the others seemed to be following his lead. "Naturally, if you break it, it's over."

"And if you similarly go back on your word, I presume the same would hold."

"Yeah, but we're not." Tony smiled, confident, at the rest of the Avengers. "Are we?"

Banner and Natasha were the first to give their tacit support. Clint – well, it wasn't exactly support, but at least he wouldn't do anything to sabotage the plan, which was as best as he could get.

Thor, however, looked torn. "Brother, I will do as the Man of Iron asks, but why did you keep such news from me? You have a daughter."

Loki pressed a hand to his head, and Tony knew to keep a healthy distance from a family disagreement with the potential to take out a city block. "I keep all news from you, not just this. Do not feel so slighted. But what would you have done? Offered to watch her in the evenings while I wreaked havoc? What would the All-father have done? She's human but I took her as my own. I cannot imagine he would take kindly to any child of mine."

"Why do you always think the worst of him, and of me? We have our quarrels-"

"That's an understatement," Tony muttered.

"But we are brothers," Thor laid a hand on Loki's shoulder before he jerked away. "I would not take our arguments out upon your child, and nor would our father."

"I am not your brother, and he is not my father. You imagine him welcoming her with open arms – when I've dared to even think about it, I can only imagine him casting her into the Void along with her wayward, disappointing, bastard father." Loki turned away, his hands trembling slightly.

Tony didn't give Thor nearly enough credit sometimes, but his next words certainly earned him merit. "You have made a child by bond, and I wonder if anything could cause your love for her to cease. Do you truly think our father or I ever gave up on my affections so easily?" Loki remained silent, but he turned, ever so slightly, even if he couldn't seem to face his brother yet. "I would only ask one more condition, for my silence."

"And what is that?"

"For one day, with you and Kara, in this year. You may not call me brother yet, but she is your family, and I am sorry for the time I have missed. I only ask the one day, as her uncle, even if she does not know me as such."

Tony whistled, even as he imagined this accord slipping through his fingers because of how very much Loki hated his brother and maybe something could be salvaged once they scraped Thor off the side of whatever Loki threw him against-

"One day, Thor. That's all I can grant." Loki wasn't even looking at Thor, and Tony couldn't only imagine the plots turning in his head, but he wasn't actively trying to kill his brother. It was a start.

"That is all I will ask."

Tony rubbed his hands together, wanting nothing more than to get back to his tower with this agreement intact. "This is fantastic. We're so on a roll. We should go ahead and try and solve that whole mess in the Middle East but I'd really just like to get dinner and watch whatever sort of game is going on. Oy, Cap!" Tony motioned to the man, who looked a little wary at rejoining the rest of them.

"Is everything all right?" Steve smiled down at the still-ecstatic four-year-old holding his hand, skipping with childish glee, her halo of curls bouncing in the waning light.

"More than all right. We'll explain back in the jet." Tony caught Steve's subtle smile and the nod of his head. It was good to know the Cap had his back.

Steve knelt down and grinned at the exhausted, exhilarated girl. "So. Did you have a good birthday?"

"It was the best! You can come to all my parties," Kara blurted, wrapping her arms around the Captain before she ran with equal exuberance to her father. Loki scooped her up in his arms, and he held her so tight Tony doubted even the Other Guy would be able to take her away.

"What do you tell your guests?"

"Thank you!" Kara looked thoughtfully at Thor. "Thank you for no more thunder. Except when you made my present. I don't like it when you make it thunder! It's scary."

Thor laughed and smiled at his niece. That was going to be an interesting talk Tony was glad he didn't have to make. "I will try and be quieter from now on."

"Good. Because Daddy and I tell you to shut up all the time if it thunders." Kara frowned, even as the Avengers pretended not to hear, or tried not to start giggling, if you were Bruce. "Maybe we ask nicer," she said, looking earnestly at Loki. "Maybe we say 'please be quiet, Thor!'"

Loki let out a slow breath. "Maybe if Thor wasn't so clumsy we wouldn't have to say it so much. But we will try to be…more polite."

"I think it is a marvelous idea, and I will be sure to listen more closely." Thor smiled, and even if it wasn't completely happy, Tony didn't feel they needed to stop by the humane society on the way home. Thor paused, and only assuming Loki wouldn't strike him with his hands full of kid, laid a hand on his niece' head. "Goodbye and best wishes on the day of your birth."

Kara waved to the rest of the Avengers, even gave Tony a tiny fist-bump. Loki wasn't nearly so gracious as his daughter, and didn't even look at Clint, but he at least realized he and Tony needed a little quiet time.

"You had no reason to act as you did," he said, finally. "Are you simply mad, or did you have an ulterior motive?"

"There is the whole you being a dad makes you a less effective villain, so there's that. But like I said, I'm an expert in a lot of things, and living with a crappy father was one of them. I knew you weren't one." Tony shrugged. It shouldn't be that simple, but maybe it really was.

"That still doesn't make me a good man. This may be the worst idea either of us has ever had," Loki said, not with malice, but with genuine caution.

"I'll give you that," Tony conceded. "This might be a horrible idea. But we've come up with a lot of bad ideas between us. Maybe that's bound to make this one work."

"Work towards what, exactly? You said nothing about what will happen at the end of this year."

"Let's worry about what happens in the twelve months we have to get through first." Tony laughed and tipped his head, walking off to catch up with the rest of the Avengers. "And I've got no idea what's going to happen, either way." Tony plucked a single cupcake from the table, rested it in his glove. "We're just going to have to find out."


	8. Come As You Aren't

Author's Note: I kind of love all those cut scenes Marvel gives us. So why not one for the stories, too? Because epilogue = SURPRISE MOAR STORY FOR YOU. Another big huge wonderful amazing thank you to everyone who read and for making my inbox ping with alerts and reviews. :) The best way to keep up with this verse will be to use the Author Alert. I'm still hoping to have the next story up in two weeks. Thanks again, everyone, and happy pumpkin-flavored-everything time!

Also! I am looking for a beta or two. One for basic writing and such, but I'd love someone who might be more of a plot beta. If you're interested, please PM me! Thanks in advance!

* * *

Loki couldn't help but feel he was being followed. Or watched. The fact a crack team of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents hadn't yet broken down his door did nothing to assuage his raging paranoia.

If one of the annoyed parents or sullen teenagers was a crack agent in disguise, he at least hoped the situation was more amusing than alarming.

The store was cramped, costumes strewn across the ground, customer more cantankerous than usual. One of these years, Loki supposed, he would be the sort of parent who bought their child's costume in September. Or made it themselves.

This was not that year.

He was not forced to resort to withering insults or glares to secure a costume that looked like it would reasonably fit Kara, never minding the gender of the child on the package. She clutched the bag tight to her and practically skipped down the aisle.

"You need costume too," she said, merrily bounding down to the other side of the shop. Loki scrambled to catch up with her as she dragged him, heedless of her side, after him.

"Don't you think I'm a bit old," Loki said, watching warily as her gaze scanned up and down the garish and sometimes ridiculous costumes. At least his armor had taste, helmet or no.

"Nope." Kara hummed as his question failed to make any impact. She was getting dangerously close to the superhero costumes, and before Loki could try and pull her away, she beamed and pointed resolutely in front of her. "You should be that."

"Oh no," Loki muttered, tugging at her hand, but she didn't move. "I will be anyone else, I promise."

"I want you to be him!" Kara frowned and looked at him, as if unable to understand how he could possibly say something as cruel as no. Her dark eyes widened. "Please?"

"You're doing this to punish me for something, aren't you?" Kara simply giggled and kept pointing to the costume. It was especially ridiculous and garish, and even if he was going to be….him…he would not be caught dead in that.

"Fine, Kara Goldentongue," he sighed, kneeling down to look her in the eye. "But I'll do the costume myself. If that's all right," he added.

She responded with an exuberant hug. Her head against his chest, her costume in the crook of her hand, she reached up and patted at his chin, laughing.

"You're gonna need a beard!"

* * *

"Luke, seriously. If there's one thing I learned from Bridget Jones' Diary, it's that you Brits all love fancy dress parties. Come out already."

Loki ignored George as contorted his features, looking into the mirror. The beard was – well. At least it didn't scratch anymore. His fingers ran over the close-cropped dark growth and he made a non-committal sound. He always thought he was too young for a beard.

Then again, he used to think many things that turned out to be patently false.

"Daaaaaad! There's gonna be no more candy!"

"Just a moment. And you will have more sugar than one girl should possibly need." Loki gave his reflection a rueful shake and looked down to the rest of him.

It was subtle, at least. He flexed his hand, felt the coolness of the metal there. At least if anyone vexed him tonight, he would look well-armed.

With one last sigh, he opened the door.

Alice was a small, familiar purple dinosaur, George and Stephen rather well-bundled cave-men, he assumed. Oscar was all but swimming in a pirate costume, his eyepatch slipping almost to his chin. Connie's black turtleneck and cat ears were about the limit of her festive spirit.

A much smaller and darker Captain America ran out and tackled his knees, almost sending them both to the floor. Loki smirked as he tugged at her hood, tucking a few stray curls beneath it. "Careful, Captain_._ I think we're on the same side."

George and Stephen whistled. "You – wow. The beard just makes it. Not to mention the…thing." He ran a circle over his chest.

Loki raised an eyebrow and glanced down to the faint blue glow beneath the black shirt. "Arc reactor?" Infuriating, meddlesome piece of technology, even if it had a certain aesthetic. Much like its inventor.

Kara tugged at his hand, poking at the palm blaster there. "You look just like him!"

Loki frowned. "I like to think I look better than Tony Stark."

"I'd have to say it's a draw," Stephen said, clapping his hands with alarming enthusiasm. "The two of you look so geeky and adorable. If I had ovaries they'd be bursting."

"You don't have ovaries? This is new." George chortled as Loki pressed his phone into his hand.

"One picture, and then we can be off on this insane quest to ensure our children are hyperglycemic and bouncing off the walls for a month." Loki kneeled down and held the palm blaster out, motioning Kara to hold her little shield up besides it.

"You never had any fun as a kid, did you?" Connie gave up struggling with the eyepatch, which was now more a lopsided necklace around Oscar's neck.

"You have absolutely no idea."

George waggled his fingers, more to get Loki's attention than anyone else's. "Say Halloween!"

Loki lingered on the last syllable, the smile pulling at his cheeks, waiting for the flash to clear from his eyes. George slipped the phone back into his hands, and he slid it into Kara's eager grasp.

"Can we show picture to real Iron Man?" Loki plucked the phone away before she could accidentally hit the share button.

"No. No, I don't think so." Kara's pout did nothing to sway him this time. "If he saw the picture, his head would get so big it would cover the Earth, and there'd be no room left for anyone."

Kara's eyebrows nearly shot beneath her hood. "Really?"

"Really."

* * *

Tony knew Loki would change the security protocols on his phone. In the spirit of their agreement, Tony waited two weeks before he set JARVIS on breaking the new ones.

Tony never let optimism get in the way of a little healthy paranoia, considering it was his head (or other bits) on the line if this all went south.

He tried to keep from laughing, he really did, because even if it was dark in the penthouse, save for the grey, flickering light from the TV and whatever horror flick Clint had insisted on watching, he could feel the glares. Like a room full of cats.

"What is so humorous?" Thor tried to pretend as if the alert buzz hadn't made him leap off the sofa.

"Nothing, nothing," Tony lied as he caught a few breaths of air in between bursts of wheezing hilarity. The picture of a younger, broodier, demi-godier self with his pint-sized Captain America was priceless, and not just as possible blackmail fodder. "Just the universe reminding me of how awesome I am."

Tony swore he could hear the rolling of Natasha's eyes as he laughed, and laughed, and laughed.


End file.
